There are celebrity social media moments that feel staged, polished within an inch of their lives, focus-grouped into oblivion. Then there is Kesha on a Monday, losing an argument with a raccoon.
The "Tik Tok" singer took to her Instagram Story on July 20 to document what can only be described as an escalating hostage situation involving a wild raccoon, a cracked window, and her rapidly diminishing authority as a homeowner. The footage, which deserves some kind of short film award, captures Kesha's increasingly desperate attempts to evict the furry intruder.
"Sir, no ... no raccoons in the house," she begins, with the kind of firm-but-reasonable tone you use when you already know you have lost. "I'm scared of you."
The raccoon, perched on her window sill with its head poking through the crevice, was unmoved. It sat there, blinking, radiating the energy of a tenant who knows their rights. Kesha tried the serious approach. "No! Get out of the house. Out of the house, go! You're very cute, go, get away, go."
Nothing.
She closed the door in defeat, only to watch through the window as the raccoon continued its advance. The tone shifted from polite request to full-blown negotiation. "Hey! Nuh uh, go! Get! Hey! You go away!" Then, the escalation: "Go! I am scary! Go away! Go!"
The raccoon looked at her. Then it moved closer. This was no longer a break-in. This was a power move.
"No! Now you're insane. You're actually crazy, I am scary. Go!" Kesha shouted, her voice climbing an octave. "I am so scary. Get away! Go, it was funny and cute, now you gotta go."
It did not go.
At some point in the standoff, Kesha officially surrendered. The raccoon, having established dominance, presumably went about its business. Kesha has not posted an update on whether the animal eventually left or if she has simply accepted her new roommate.
The timing is notable because Kesha is currently in the middle of her "Freedom" tour, which kicked off in May and has taken her across North America. Her next scheduled stop is Shakopee, Minnesota, on August 3, followed by dates in Dallas, Charlotte, Grand Rapids, and other cities through the end of August. The tour represents her first major outing since going independent, and she recently played what she called "the biggest show of my independent career" to 100,000 fans in Quebec City.
So if the raccoon is still there, it may have the place to itself for a while. Which, honestly, feels like the right outcome. Some battles are not worth fighting. Some raccoons cannot be reasoned with. And some pop stars, no matter how many platinum records they have sold, are no match for a determined woodland creature with nothing to lose.
Kesha will be fine. She has survived the music industry. She can survive one raccoon. Probably.